It really hit me this morning forcing my insecurities to return. I saw a seat open on the train and quickly walked towards it so I could sit and continue reading my novel, but when I lowered myself my right hip partly rested on the woman’s bag beside me and my other hip gently kissed a woman’s hip on my left. Shit! My hips had spread from the weight I gained. I had two choices either get up and everyone on the car realizes that I was too big and played myself or sit squished like the banana stuck between my laptop and notebook in my bag. Both awkward. There were two stops until 125th street; I sat. Two people and probably the three across from me would realize my defeat. I felt my face heat up with embarrassment as I excused myself. I chose the lesser of two evils.
Recalling that I put on my high waisted baggiest jeans this morning and them being fitted with minimal space at my ankles, I gave away my cream cheese bagel to the less fortunate person passing through on the train.